Excerpt from

An Undivided Heart

Why am I discouraged?

Why so sad?

I will put my hope in God!

I will praise him again—my Savior and my God.

PSALM 43: 5

Something was up.

          Evelyn knew it from the moment Herb Evans knocked on the door to pick her up for their date.  He usually rang the doorbell, but this time, he announced his presence with a snappy rhythm.

          Herb was nice . . . but snappy?

          She opened the door and found him grinning at her, holding a bouquet of yellow mums.  “Hiya, Evelyn.”

          She drew in a breath.  “Hi, Herb.”

          He shoved the flowers toward her.  “These are for you.”

          “What’s the occasion?”

          “Oh, nothing.”

          Just the way he said it, told her it was something.  And her first inclination was to push the mums back into his arms, keep pushing him out the door, shut it, and flip the lock.

          How odd.

          Herb bounced twice on his toes. “Ready to go?”

          I have a headache, a backache, I have to clean the oven . . .

          For the first time, Herb’s face clouded.  “Evelyn?  Is something wrong?”

          Evelyn was saved from having to answer by the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs.  “Hi, Herb.  Where you two heading?”

          “Hi, Piper.”  He put a hand on Evelyn’s shoulder.  “It’s a surprise.”

          She was doomed.

          Piper gave her a questioning look, letting Evelyn know she wasn’t hiding a thing.  If only she didn’t have such a transparent face. 

          “Can I steal her away from you a moment, Herb?” Piper slipped a hand through Evelyn’s arm.

          “Sure . . . I guess.”

          “Have a seat in the parlor.  I’ll get her back to you in just a minute.”  Piper led her away.  Evelyn had rarely felt such relief and would have been content if the “minute” would be extended tenfold.  Or a hundred.

          They entered the kitchen.  Piper made sure the door was shut before she spoke.  “Okay.  Spill it.  Why the look of total panic?”

          It would sound dumb because it was.  It didn’t make any sense at all. 

          “Evelyn . . . you’re acting like you don’t want to go out with him.  You’ve been dating Herb for eight months.”

          “Has it been that long?”

          Piper let out a sigh.  “Evelyn!  What’s happening?”

          She moved to a chair and sat.  Piper joined her.  “He brought me flowers.”

          “How dare he.”

          “He’s smiling . . .”

          “A sure sign of a scheming man."

          Evelyn’s left hand found her right.  “He’s not a scheming man.  He’s a nice man.”

          “I figured as much, or else you wouldn’t have dated him so long.”

          “He’s . . . he’s serious about me.”

          “Of course he is.  You’re both in your late fifties, Evelyn.  People your age generally don’t date around.  They’re done playing the games of youth.” 

          Evelyn felt herself being studied.  She didn’t like it.

          “Have you been toying with his affection?”

          “No!”

          Piper’s right eyebrow raised.

          “I didn’t mean to.”

          Piper sat back, looking at the kitchen door.  “Do you think he’s going to propose?  Is that what you’re afraid of?”

          That was it.  “I don’t know, but when he showed up today, my entire body started vibrating—and it wasn’t from anticipation.”  She leaned toward Piper, whispering.  “I wanted to run.”

          Piper shook her head.  “Oh, Evelyn . . . “

          “I know!  What should I do?  I don’t want to hurt him.”

          “I’m afraid there’s no way not to.”

          “Oh dear.”

          “Surely this isn’t a total surprise. Surely the idea of marriage crossed your mind at some point these last eight months.”

          Evelyn rubbed the space between her eyes wishing all her thoughts and feelings would become clear.  “I suppose it did.  But I never let it get past the idea stage.”

          “Do you love him?”

          She opened her mouth to speak, then closed it.  “I like him a lot.  I like being with him.  I like . . . I like having a man tell me I’m pretty.  Aaron never did that.”

          “Herb fills a need.”

          It sounded so callous.  “Well, sure.  I guess.  But I think I fill a need in him too.”

          “Obviously.  But now he wants more.”

          So simply said.  “He wants more.”

          They shared a moment of silence.  “He’s waiting.”

          “I know.”

          “What are you going to do?”

          Evelyn sat up straight.  “Maybe he won’t ask me tonight.  Maybe I’ve read the situation wrong.”

          “But maybe you haven’t.”

          She had a thought that contradicted the rest, and yet, was very strong.  “Maybe I shouldn’t fight it.”

“What are you saying?”

What was she saying?  “What would be wrong with me marrying Herb?”

          Piper made a time-out T with her hands.  “What just happened here?  One minute you’re scared he will propose and now you’re thinking about saying yes?”

          “It would be nice to be married again.”

Piper sprang from her chair and began to pace. “If you love someone, Evelyn.  If you love them.”

Love.  What was love?  “But like you said, Herb and I are in our late fifties.  Maybe the type of love we’re supposed to experience in order to get married has changed.  Maybe there isn’t supposed to be that  . . . that passion any more.”

Piper stopped pacing and gawked at her.  “Don’t you dare say that.”

“Companionship is good.  It’s nice.”

“Then be his friend.   But you don’t marry someone as a antidote to eating alone.”

“But maybe you do.”

Piper shoved her hands on her hips.  “Fine.  Go marry him.  Go settle.”

Settle.  It was an awful word.

The kitchen door swung open a few inches.  It was Herb. “Evelyn?  Is everything all right?”

Piper also waited for her answer.  Two against one.

Evelyn stood.  “Everything’s fine, Herb.  Let’s go.”

She felt Piper’s eyes on her back even after the kitchen door swung shut.

©Vonette Bright and Nancy Moser 2004